1 step forward, 3 steps back

Well I'd like to say that I have been doing well and back to life as usual. I guess my "usual" life anymore means upheaval so technically it is "usual".  I was really feeling good last weekend and even got up at 5am on Saturday with less than 5 hours of sleep. I was super happy and excited I couldn't sleep. Why you ask? Because I actually felt good for the first time in a long time. I needed to get up and DO something after 3 weeks of sitting on my butt all day. The sun was shining, my husband woke up in a good mood because I was so "chipper", went to breakfast with my 2 favorite boys then on to some garage saling. We were out and about most of the day running errands and stuff. How sad is that to be happy just to be able run errands?! lol But I was getting around the stores almost like normal. We bbq'ed and enjoyed the warm weather in the evening. Almost forgot about the concussion. It was a good day. We had  fun on the 4th and all the days in between were pretty good too. Although I was never able to sleep more than 5 or so hours each night. Tuesday we ended up going on a beautiful hike. Started off intending to go only 2-3 miles but it ended up being 6+ miles by the time we got back to the car. Defiantly not prepared for that with only one water bottle among us, not to mention the 3+ hours of walking. The plus side is I got over 20,000 steps that day~my all time high record!! It was an enjoyable and fun time despite the unplanned extension of our journey. But the next day my body took a major crash. I woke up in a heavy cloud of exhaustion. My head felt pressure which reminded me of the previous weeks. Obviously that hike was too much too soon. I slugged my way through the day wishing for a caffeine IV. The many cups of coffee I drank didn't do a thing. Fell into bed around 8pm and awoke this morning still feeling exhausted, not quite as bad as the day before but still enough to make the day more challenging. Along with the exhaustion accompanied a headache that has stayed with me all day despite the Advil I"ve been downing. So its like 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Any time I feel better and attempt to do something I get set back. I must admit I am feeling very depressed, discouraged and frustrated right now. I don't know when I will ever be able to run or Zumba again. Heck I'd even be happy with regular walking at this point. Anything I can do consistently. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my injury. How many more till I can exercise like I'm used to? Will I ever be able to? God only knows. I am really feeling the stress of life building up as I have been so sedentary for so long. Exercise has always been my best stress reliever. I'm up 7 lbs, can't exercise, obviously can't manage my food well (especially when I'm feeling extra stressed & emotional).  This rut I"ve been in has been going on since April. Hello, its July. What the heck?? I can't do any of the runs I"ve signed up for, including the half marathon. That alone is enough to make me want to eat an entire chocolate cake. (I'm not signing up for any more events. I've already wasted too much money on one's I've had to miss.) Why is it things come so easily to some and others have to bust their butts? I"m tired of being the nice helpful supportive person and I always get crapped on. I can't always be happy, upbeat and positive. I honestly don't know how some people can do it even  when things always seem to be against them. I'm defiantly not one of those people as much as I wish I was. I know many others have way more hardships but I deserve to be able to acknowledge that I'm tired of having my life on hold. There is always something. So much going on in my life aside from my exercse that needs my attention and focus as well. I feel like a failure. Lord help me because I'm losing my mind. In the meantime you can find me in the pit of despair.