1 step forward, 3 steps back

Well I'd like to say that I have been doing well and back to life as usual. I guess my "usual" life anymore means upheaval so technically it is "usual".  I was really feeling good last weekend and even got up at 5am on Saturday with less than 5 hours of sleep. I was super happy and excited I couldn't sleep. Why you ask? Because I actually felt good for the first time in a long time. I needed to get up and DO something after 3 weeks of sitting on my butt all day. The sun was shining, my husband woke up in a good mood because I was so "chipper", went to breakfast with my 2 favorite boys then on to some garage saling. We were out and about most of the day running errands and stuff. How sad is that to be happy just to be able run errands?! lol But I was getting around the stores almost like normal. We bbq'ed and enjoyed the warm weather in the evening. Almost forgot about the concussion. It was a good day. We had  fun on the 4th and all the days in between were pretty good too. Although I was never able to sleep more than 5 or so hours each night. Tuesday we ended up going on a beautiful hike. Started off intending to go only 2-3 miles but it ended up being 6+ miles by the time we got back to the car. Defiantly not prepared for that with only one water bottle among us, not to mention the 3+ hours of walking. The plus side is I got over 20,000 steps that day~my all time high record!! It was an enjoyable and fun time despite the unplanned extension of our journey. But the next day my body took a major crash. I woke up in a heavy cloud of exhaustion. My head felt pressure which reminded me of the previous weeks. Obviously that hike was too much too soon. I slugged my way through the day wishing for a caffeine IV. The many cups of coffee I drank didn't do a thing. Fell into bed around 8pm and awoke this morning still feeling exhausted, not quite as bad as the day before but still enough to make the day more challenging. Along with the exhaustion accompanied a headache that has stayed with me all day despite the Advil I"ve been downing. So its like 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Any time I feel better and attempt to do something I get set back. I must admit I am feeling very depressed, discouraged and frustrated right now. I don't know when I will ever be able to run or Zumba again. Heck I'd even be happy with regular walking at this point. Anything I can do consistently. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my injury. How many more till I can exercise like I'm used to? Will I ever be able to? God only knows. I am really feeling the stress of life building up as I have been so sedentary for so long. Exercise has always been my best stress reliever. I'm up 7 lbs, can't exercise, obviously can't manage my food well (especially when I'm feeling extra stressed & emotional).  This rut I"ve been in has been going on since April. Hello, its July. What the heck?? I can't do any of the runs I"ve signed up for, including the half marathon. That alone is enough to make me want to eat an entire chocolate cake. (I'm not signing up for any more events. I've already wasted too much money on one's I've had to miss.) Why is it things come so easily to some and others have to bust their butts? I"m tired of being the nice helpful supportive person and I always get crapped on. I can't always be happy, upbeat and positive. I honestly don't know how some people can do it even  when things always seem to be against them. I'm defiantly not one of those people as much as I wish I was. I know many others have way more hardships but I deserve to be able to acknowledge that I'm tired of having my life on hold. There is always something. So much going on in my life aside from my exercse that needs my attention and focus as well. I feel like a failure. Lord help me because I'm losing my mind. In the meantime you can find me in the pit of despair.

Getting back into life

Well it's July 1st. 3 weeks since my stupid head incident. It's a new month and I'm feeling really good, despite the fact that I hit my head again on Wednesday!! Yup, that's what I said. AGAIN! I have gone almost 40 years without any real head injuries and then 2 within 3 weeks. What is wrong with me??!! I was without Advil for 24 hours in case of bleeding. That SUCKED!! I've come to the official conclusion that I've been suspicious of all along. Tylenol just does not work for me. Anyway, today I am feeling really quite good for the first time in a long time. I was able to run errands after work and it's past 10pm and I'm still up!! That's a good sign because I'm usually going to bed by 8pm at the latest these last few weeks. Just so dang exhausted. My son is tucking me in! lol He's such a sweet kiddo. Love him to pieces!! Well now that I'm coming out of this fog and feeling like I'm getting back into my life again I can see all the stuff I have neglected. Like housework. Ugggggg. I think I'll be spending a month just getting on top of everything. I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm still up 6 lbs. Grrr!! NOT good. I have really been struggling being so messed up with all this concussion stuff and it's been super hard to try and stick with anything and of course still haven't been able to do much exercising. Tomorrow I am planning on a Leslie dvd and also a LOT of housework. I'm aiming for 6,000 steps tomorrow. I need to get back up to 10,000+ that I was doing pre concussion. Today I got in the 4,000's so that's a start. I need to start syncing my fitbit again on facebook too. I love my fitbit by the way!! It has really helped keep me motivated. A Christmas gift that keeps on giving! So I am setting a goal of losing 15-20 lbs by the end of Summer. I really really really NEED to get this moving in the right direction. My jeans were feeling a bit tight today and that's just not acceptable. It's so easy to gain the weight back and let it get carried away. I've already let it go in the wrong direction too long. Now if life will just cooperate for awhile so I can stay focused... lol Yeah, right!! I feel like God is slapping me upside the head trying to tell me something. I hope I got it cuz my head is tired of hurting!!! Well off I go to rinse the color off my hair. A fresh new color for a fresh new start... Happy Independence Day America!!!!!!