That's life...

June 12, 2015...Well hello there! I totally forgot about this blog until I was reminded today via the awesome TimeHop app. Yes, its been 4 long years. Where have I been you ask?

Actually not much has changed. Still haven't been running, still dealing with post concussion syndrome-silly me, I thought it would only last a few weeks! HA!) I've learned a lot about myself & my faith in these years. God has taken me on quite a ride but I'm wearing my seat belt so it's all good!

I've battled with food my entire life. I know now that I need to focus on my food issues & not sweep it under the exercise. Because you never know if that exercise will be swept out from under your feet for one reason or another. (It was for me) Whatever life stuff comes up, eating all my emotions & stress only makes it worse. Its funny how you can know the sense of something but it's still so foreign to you.

So I guess you can say my biggest fear (noted in my post below ) has come true. I have gained back almost all the weight I lost. But I'm still here. Still trying my best to reach my goals in-between the bumps.

Life has bumps. There's no getting away from that. If you are doing the best you can where you are- you are always winning. Life is always changing and God is always good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aug 2011 post... I should rename this blog to Fat Girl Sitting. That's what I've been doing most of the time since I started this. Ironic how I started this blog a couple days after my concussion. It's defiantly been a very long and emotional journey so far. I've had a few weeks sprinkled in where I thought I was finally getting better and so elated. I jumped back into exercising with almost as much vigor as someone lost in the desert feels when they finally stumble upon water. Then after a week of activity I get kicked down again. I"m defiantly done with this cycle. Last couple weeks I was able to run several times, go biking, long walks and even do a bellyfit class. It is my nature to push myself (who knew??!) so every time I think I can exercise I undoubtedly overdo it but it doesn't show until many days later. By then its too late. Last Friday I didn't drink enough water and I got somewhat dehydrated. NOT a good thing especially when that was a pretty good exercise week too. Well Bam! I'm back on my butt again. I am just not doing well with all this. Funny thing is if I wasn't trying to be active again then I would be recovered already! Perseverance....

1 step forward, 3 steps back

Well I'd like to say that I have been doing well and back to life as usual. I guess my "usual" life anymore means upheaval so technically it is "usual".  I was really feeling good last weekend and even got up at 5am on Saturday with less than 5 hours of sleep. I was super happy and excited I couldn't sleep. Why you ask? Because I actually felt good for the first time in a long time. I needed to get up and DO something after 3 weeks of sitting on my butt all day. The sun was shining, my husband woke up in a good mood because I was so "chipper", went to breakfast with my 2 favorite boys then on to some garage saling. We were out and about most of the day running errands and stuff. How sad is that to be happy just to be able run errands?! lol But I was getting around the stores almost like normal. We bbq'ed and enjoyed the warm weather in the evening. Almost forgot about the concussion. It was a good day. We had  fun on the 4th and all the days in between were pretty good too. Although I was never able to sleep more than 5 or so hours each night. Tuesday we ended up going on a beautiful hike. Started off intending to go only 2-3 miles but it ended up being 6+ miles by the time we got back to the car. Defiantly not prepared for that with only one water bottle among us, not to mention the 3+ hours of walking. The plus side is I got over 20,000 steps that day~my all time high record!! It was an enjoyable and fun time despite the unplanned extension of our journey. But the next day my body took a major crash. I woke up in a heavy cloud of exhaustion. My head felt pressure which reminded me of the previous weeks. Obviously that hike was too much too soon. I slugged my way through the day wishing for a caffeine IV. The many cups of coffee I drank didn't do a thing. Fell into bed around 8pm and awoke this morning still feeling exhausted, not quite as bad as the day before but still enough to make the day more challenging. Along with the exhaustion accompanied a headache that has stayed with me all day despite the Advil I"ve been downing. So its like 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Any time I feel better and attempt to do something I get set back. I must admit I am feeling very depressed, discouraged and frustrated right now. I don't know when I will ever be able to run or Zumba again. Heck I'd even be happy with regular walking at this point. Anything I can do consistently. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my injury. How many more till I can exercise like I'm used to? Will I ever be able to? God only knows. I am really feeling the stress of life building up as I have been so sedentary for so long. Exercise has always been my best stress reliever. I'm up 7 lbs, can't exercise, obviously can't manage my food well (especially when I'm feeling extra stressed & emotional).  This rut I"ve been in has been going on since April. Hello, its July. What the heck?? I can't do any of the runs I"ve signed up for, including the half marathon. That alone is enough to make me want to eat an entire chocolate cake. (I'm not signing up for any more events. I've already wasted too much money on one's I've had to miss.) Why is it things come so easily to some and others have to bust their butts? I"m tired of being the nice helpful supportive person and I always get crapped on. I can't always be happy, upbeat and positive. I honestly don't know how some people can do it even  when things always seem to be against them. I'm defiantly not one of those people as much as I wish I was. I know many others have way more hardships but I deserve to be able to acknowledge that I'm tired of having my life on hold. There is always something. So much going on in my life aside from my exercse that needs my attention and focus as well. I feel like a failure. Lord help me because I'm losing my mind. In the meantime you can find me in the pit of despair.

Getting back into life

Well it's July 1st. 3 weeks since my stupid head incident. It's a new month and I'm feeling really good, despite the fact that I hit my head again on Wednesday!! Yup, that's what I said. AGAIN! I have gone almost 40 years without any real head injuries and then 2 within 3 weeks. What is wrong with me??!! I was without Advil for 24 hours in case of bleeding. That SUCKED!! I've come to the official conclusion that I've been suspicious of all along. Tylenol just does not work for me. Anyway, today I am feeling really quite good for the first time in a long time. I was able to run errands after work and it's past 10pm and I'm still up!! That's a good sign because I'm usually going to bed by 8pm at the latest these last few weeks. Just so dang exhausted. My son is tucking me in! lol He's such a sweet kiddo. Love him to pieces!! Well now that I'm coming out of this fog and feeling like I'm getting back into my life again I can see all the stuff I have neglected. Like housework. Ugggggg. I think I'll be spending a month just getting on top of everything. I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm still up 6 lbs. Grrr!! NOT good. I have really been struggling being so messed up with all this concussion stuff and it's been super hard to try and stick with anything and of course still haven't been able to do much exercising. Tomorrow I am planning on a Leslie dvd and also a LOT of housework. I'm aiming for 6,000 steps tomorrow. I need to get back up to 10,000+ that I was doing pre concussion. Today I got in the 4,000's so that's a start. I need to start syncing my fitbit again on facebook too. I love my fitbit by the way!! It has really helped keep me motivated. A Christmas gift that keeps on giving! So I am setting a goal of losing 15-20 lbs by the end of Summer. I really really really NEED to get this moving in the right direction. My jeans were feeling a bit tight today and that's just not acceptable. It's so easy to gain the weight back and let it get carried away. I've already let it go in the wrong direction too long. Now if life will just cooperate for awhile so I can stay focused... lol Yeah, right!! I feel like God is slapping me upside the head trying to tell me something. I hope I got it cuz my head is tired of hurting!!! Well off I go to rinse the color off my hair. A fresh new color for a fresh new start... Happy Independence Day America!!!!!!

Baby steps

Well today is the day. The day I get serious again about my health. I really have no choice. I cannot allow myself to go backwards. I won't be that person again, and that's exactly where I'm headed if I don't stop right now. So I started back to the WW points plus plan today. So far so good. Now if I can just make sure to log my food for the entire day and not slack off towards the end I'll be good. I always start the day with good intentions but right about late afternoon or into the evening I fall off completely. Tracking is so important. Otherwise I'll eat a bite here, there, and soon have eaten another entire meal worth of calories without realizing. It's so easy to fall off the wagon. It's just a bumpy ride. Getting back on, and staying on for any length of time, is like riding a bull.

I've been feeling pretty good today so I decided to attempt a Leslie Sansone workout dvd. My first workout of any kind in 17 days. Normally I would call this a "non workout" because it's way less intensity than I'm used to doing but naturally I have to start off small. I was surprised and actually quite pleased that I was able to complete the entire 30 minute workout (with some minor modifications) without feeling too terrible. Although after I got downstairs I was noticing my head pounding a bit so I had to lay on the couch for awhile. Slow baby steps.... I'm not good at that but if I want to get back to running and my favorite killer Zumba class I have to take it slow. And I am going to get back to my super sweaty, heart pumping, high intensity, push myself, feel the burn workouts. Won't be tomorrow or even next week but I will get there. I love them too much not to.

:(

2 weeks and I'm up 6 lbs. Haven't lost any weight in months. Still can't exercise. Starting to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Seems every time I try to do something, something else happens to push me back. Weight, ankle, work, self esteem, family, concussion, life... Staying positive just gets harder.

Concussions ~ Part Deux

Well it's been almost 2 (very loooooooooong I might add) weeks. Last Wednesday was my only good day and I did way too much. It went down hill from there and by Friday I wasn't doing well at all. Had to put a call in to the Dr. and ended up pretty much on bed rest for the weekend. I have been trying really hard to not over do it since then. It's so hard!! But today I am feeling sooooooooo much better!! Thank you Lord! Now if it just keeps going in that direction I will be super dooper happy!!

It's been 12 days with no exercise and very little activity. I never thought I'd miss exercising so much! I need to take things slow and not jump back into everything right away. Still not 100% but getting there. I hope to start doing some lighter exercise next week, like Leslie dvd's. Then if all goes well I should be back to running the first weekend of July! I'm sure I will need to work my way back up to 5 miles after being so sedentary for 3 weeks. Ugh. My 8k is the 17th so that only gives me 2 weeks. Hmmm. I'll just have to take it as it comes and hope and pray I can still do it, even if I can't run the entire thing.

It's been hard not getting really discouraged with the set backs but I am determined to keep pushing on. Unfortunately things are going to come up that will throw me off track, that's life. But if I let the disappointment and frustration win, I will never reach my goals. It's not easy but nothing worth having ever is. I'm just taking it one day at a time and hoping for the best.

This past Saturday was our 14 year anniversary. <3 Since I was basically restricted to the couch all weekend, my sweet hubby made dinner. :) He also got me the Under Armour running hat I've been wanting (and a lucky bamboo plant~ he said I can use all the luck I can get! lol). He (also) said he has faith in me and knows I will be back up and running soon. Aww. He's a keeper. Can't wait to put it to use!!

Motivation ~ I need all I can get!!

ATHLETE

Anyone can be an Athlete

Courtesy of Runners World... Click on this link for 101 Kicks in the Butt ~Thank you cuz I needed that!!!!

"If you want to become the best runner you can be, start now. Don't spend the rest of your life wondering if you can do it." —Priscilla Welch, who won the 1987 New York City Marathon at age 42.

Marshall Ulrich’s (extreme endurance athlete) Ten Commandments of Endurance~ From his book Running on Empty...

Running on Empty: An Ultramarathoner's Story of Love, Loss, and a Record-Setting Run Across America

10. Expect a journey and a battle–

“Life is not always simple. Don’t think that it’s just going to be smooth and not a rocky road. Accept that in your mind and then you can deal with things.”

9. Focus on the present and set intermediate goals—-

“Don’t get too far ahead of yourself. Just stay in the present. If you’ve got some sort of problem…just deal with that. Take a deep breath and solve that one problem and then you can go on to others.”

8. Don’t dwell on the negative–

“I think it helps to step outside of ourselves and not live in our own space or our own head too much. Look at what’s happening out there and focus on even problems of the world or other people. It kind of takes that focus from ourselves.”

7. Transcend the physical–

“If you’ve got an injury, say you’ve twisted an ankle and you want to keep going–providing you’re not doing damage to yourself–take that focus off that ankle. You can keep going as long as you don’t get locked into thinking about it continuously. You can transcend that physical aspect.”

6. Accept your fate—

“Just accept it for what it is and take it one step at a time.”

5. Have confidence that you will succeed—

Recall experiences, “where you’ve had success in the past. It will give you confidence to go beyond what you normally thought you could.”

4. Know that there will be an end—

“There will be an end and we can go on to more fertile soil.”

3. Suffering is okay—

“That’s the human condition. We’re all going to suffer on one level or another.”

2. Be kind to yourself—

“If you’re running and you need to walk a little bit. That’s okay. Know that you have weaknesses just like anybody else.”

1. Quitting is not an option—

“Everybody is going to think about quitting. I think about quitting. But you can’t let it overwhelm you. You can’t let it stop you from your success. And if you frame it in that way–that quitting is not an option–I think that’s the best thing to do.”

~Marshall Ulrich

"When faced with a challenge, look for a way,
not a way out."
David Weatherford

Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done."
Bo Bennett

"If constructive thoughts are planted positive outcomes will be the result.
Plant the seeds of failure and failure will follow."
Sidney Madwed

"Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory."
George S. Patton

"Self-confidence and a belief in yourself is a must. To instil confidence in others, you first must have confidence in yourself."
Byron & Catherine Pulsifer

"Impossibilities are merely things which we have not yet learned."
Charles W. Chesnutt

"To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist."
Gail Sheehy

"Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution."
Dr. David Schwartz

Please share any motivational quotes or notes you have ~ Thank you!!

Concussions SUCK!!

Ugh. I am such a DORK!! I smacked my head into a cement wall on Friday. Was at the movies with my hubby and while trying to get our illegal snacks out of my purse, my cell phone fell. Of course it was totally dark in there and I couldn't find it in my immediate vicinity so I had to wait till the movie was over. Luckily there was a helpful couple near us that offered the use of their flashlight phone app (my husband of course forgot his phone at home...). The dear man found my case that had popped up behind our seats. We were sitting in the back row of the theater and directly behind is a cement wall (I'm sure you see where I'm going with this... ) I was excited to see my case, sans phone but still a sign my phone must be near, that I bent down to get it and bam!  I hit the wall. In my defense, it was still dark in the theater but still.... We did find my phone so that's good news. I am still suffering from my stupidity 4 days later and I'm afraid it will haunt me for the rest of the week. Finally went to the Dr. yesterday who confirmed, yep, concussion. Although he wasn't too happy when I told him I finished my run after I got home from the theater. Ooops. It didn't really start hurting that much till the next day. Thanks be to the Lord that I don't have a bleed because I was also talking Advil which apparently increases bleeding. Another no no after a head injury. At least I'm learning some things out of this... Who knew just turning your head while driving or simply loading the dishwasher took so much movement? So no Zumba class for me this week. No running. No exercise at all for that matter. It's all I can do to get through the mornings getting my son out the door for school and then myself off to work. By the time I get home I need to lay down with the ice pack. Thank goodness for Advil, although that's not helping as much as I'd like. Dizzy. Check. Headache. Check. Tired. Check. Well that's my rant for today...

40 lbs by my 40th

So its exactly 20 weeks from today till my 40th birthday (on Halloween)~eek!!!  I figure that’s some pretty good motivation! I want to be at my fittest ever before I hit 40.  I’m already the most active I’ve ever been in my life.  It can only get better, right?!  So here goes!

Is this realistic? That makes an average of 2 lbs per week. If I am consistent it shouldn’t be a problem. Although I have this pesky head concussion to deal with right now (sigh..) so no exercise this week, well maybe later in the week I’ll be able to get back to running and Zumba. I’m hoping anyway. I really need to focus strongly on my foods, especially this week with limited exercise.  Food is usually my downfall as I tend to eat for many many many other reasons than because I’m hungry and trying to nourish my body.  So back to journaling I go. The goal will be 5 fruits/veggies per day, lean protein, high fiber and stay away from sugar!  I’m thinking 1300 cals per day is reasonable. Let’s do the math….

 

My BMR is 1620

What is BMR you say??? Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is the number of calories you'd burn if you stayed in bed all day. You can find out what yours is by following this link. (http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/)

How many calories do I need to maintain my current weight? BMR x 1.2 (I’m using this sedentary number just as a basic day to day life moving around number without exercise, basically a base number) BMR x 1.2.= 1944.

So how do I make sure I can lose 2 lbs per week??

Well 1 lb is approximately 3500 cals.  To lose 2 lbs a week I need to eliminate 7000 cals per week or 1000 per day.

I need 1944 calories per day to maintain my current weight.  If I cut out 500 cals per day in food, putting me at 1444 cals in, and I burn 500 cals per day with exercise, putting me at 500 cals burned,  that will put me at a total of 1000 cal per day deficit. Thankfully running and Zumba pretty much guarantee me at least 500 cal burn.  This week will be more challenging though w/o all the calorie burn.  It will be an interesting experiment.

~Psalm 107:22~

And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!
~~~
Human nature lends itself to focusing on the negative, difficult things that are going on around us, rather than boasting with thankfulness for the wonderful things being provided for us. Let us be intentional to sacrifice our human nature by choosing first to be thankful, before focusing on or responding to the things that burden our hearts. Kat Davis
~~~
I for one personally need this reminder daily! If not for Jesus, I would not be where I am today.

GOOD news from the Dr! ~ March 25, 2011

Sooooo.... I got a call from my Dr. re: my thryoid (I have Hoshimotos, an auto immune thyroid disorder) and cholesterol lab work. Since I started this journey my thyroid keeps getting better at each check. :) I'm only at 1 grain now! I was up to over 2 grains just 2 years ago. (I see a naturopath and she works in grains) But the BEST news is my cholesterol. My triglycerides went from 328 (gulp!) to 85~optimal!! My good cholesterol went from 42 to 61~optimal! and bad is at 80~optimal! (need to check my paper work for that #..) So WHOOOO HOOOO!! All the changes I've made with eating and exercise has made a significant positive impact on my health!! For some reason I never really thought about what's been going on in the inside of my body. This is an awakening of where I was. A very scary one at that. I NEVER want to go back there again. Also, I was taking a natural blood pressure medicine and now I am off of it!!! I still check my blood pressure regularly to make sure it stays in range. Exercise helps a lot with this. It is a great stress reliever which also helps lower blood pressure!

In a nutshell...

Hello!! I love Jesus & my family, Summer, the beach, running, Zumba & pushing myself to do things I never thought I'd do! My name is Trina and this is my wl journey....I started this in Jan 2010. I was at my all time high weight (275 lbs and I'm only 5'2"~yikes!) and I felt miserable in my own skin. It was hard to even do the simplest things, like tie my shoes (or even put my shoes on for that matter). I wasn't able to participate in my own life. I knew I needed to make a change. I was scared because I've tried this many many times before but it never really changed. Even if I lost weight it always ended up coming back on, and then some. I knew I had to go about this in a different way for any hope of losing the weight and keeping it off. Not a diet but a lifestyle change. It's been a very slow and bumpy road but so far I've lost 80 lbs over the last year and a half, with about 60 more to go. I started by journaling my food, trying to eat healthier, and I added in some exercise which started with Leslie Sanson workout dvd's. I've slowly gotten away from fast food, most carbs, high fat and processed foods (on most days). I do battle with emotional eating which then leads me towards the "bad" foods. I try to eat "clean" as much as I can. I have taken up running which is great therapy for me emotionally and gives me something to help push myself with physically. I regularly run 3-4 miles 3 times a week and I am currently adding a 5-6 mile run once a week. I am considering doing a half marathon, possibly in January 2012. My lack of self esteem keeps holding me back from committing. I have never run an official race farther than 5k but I signed up for a local 8k on July 17th. I'm definately not the fastest runner but I love how running makes me feel. I never in a million years thought I'd be a runner!! It took me foooorrreeevvveeer to complete the c25k program with the weight I was at and then an ankle injury. It took me almost 9 months to run 5k without stopping. I also love Zumba! I actually love exercise. Who knew??!! I've learned so much about myself over these past 17 months but there's more to do. I've been stuck for the last few months. Just kind of tired of everything I guess and working through some mental blocks. It's me that keeps holding myself back. But I'm not done yet!! It's time to mix things up a bit and reach that finish line!! So.... I decided to try blogging. I have no idea what I'm doing so please bare with me!! I hope it helps!

Biggest Loser Tweek about me?! ~ CRAZY!!?

Eat Clean Facebook post about me!!? ~ More CRAZY!!?